For most people who do not happen to live in the *Land of A there may be a “Take for Granted” life style of seemingly easy to navigate days in which ordinary family events are enjoyed with little strife..
Take for example, a family hike planned on a weekend morning. All will cheerfully or not, wake up, take a shower, and brush their teeth. They will complete household chores such as making sure the dogs are fed, dishes done, and breakfast served. Any complaints, disagreements or mild temper tantrums may be normal but resolved sometime in the near future. Maybe they all will go about filling their water bottles instead of forgetting, than grab for their backpacks and shoes and head out to the family truckster, ready for the morning of adventure.
In the *Land of A, a vortex usually reigns supreme. Steps must be strictly adhered to in order not to slip right on over into the chaos of the abyss that unless one has mountain climbing skills, can barely manage the climb out of.
So it is that in this vortex leading to the abyss, maybe a hundred times or more one must verbally circle and do laps with one-of-my-own. Sort of like the trail race last weekend that had a mile or two, of six to twelve inches of heavy clay mud that one had to muck, not run through.
The first verbal laps may include the phrases, “Do you want me to take a shower?” and “Just say yes.” Shower and bathroom time will usually take three to ten times that of any sort of normal time and effort. One must also consider negotiating a daily peace treaty on the whole roll of toilet paper that will inevitably be used. Please don’t do it but if so, “I”m begging,”…. Please flush often as to not chronically clog the toilet or trigger that overflow that is destined to happen.
Everybody else is ready. But here’s the tricky part. One-of-my-own has not eaten. I’ve got it all figured out. Yes I do. Because I’ve lived a long time in the *Land of A and have plan A, plan B, and plan C always on my mind. Breakfast is going to be served “to go”, so we can get on our way. Right?…. hmmm..
Plan A today doesn’t really avoid the verbal circles and laps that must be completed before one-of-my-own can walk out the door. “What’s for breakfast?” “I SAID…. what’s for breakfast?” “MAN, I feel calm today!” “Can we have a good day?” “Let’s have a good day.” Add in a couple more similar phrases and we may spin in circles for another twenty minutes or more before one-of-my-own can jump off the verbal lap of loops and move on with his day.
Sprinting for the family truckster doesn’t work in the efforts to get on with the adventure. Defeated, one sinks into the seat, with head down on the wheel as another verbal loop erupts. “Can we have a good day guys?” “What’s for breakfast?” “Do you want me to take a shower?” This could potentially be the theme song of the ride up the mountain.
Maybe this wouldn’t be a bad thing. For sure, everyone wants to have a good day. But have I mentioned that in the *Land of A, one-of-my-own has a strong and vibrant voice with a volume only of extra loud? It may be that passing the family truckster in the *Land of A, one may think the whole family is rocking out, the volume is that loud. One might also wonder that sometimes a passenger or two may be wearing headphones to muffle the theme song. All I’ve got to say is, that unless one’s lived in the *Land of A, what looks strange may not be as strange as it seems.
The family hike happened. There is something to be said for finding perspective and peace on a mountain somewhere in the *Land of A. There was a cool breeze with the scent of fir trees and summer flowers. Blue skies framed the bright sun as it grew warmer. The trail was overgrown in spots, with trees to crawl underneath and the remnants of dying spring streams to hop over. All that and more with the sounds of birds flying overhead and the wind blowing in the trees, nature created opportunity for healing.
I found myself listening to one-of-my-own with an element of presence that eludes me in the everyday life in the *Land of A. As we hiked the trail uphill to the fire lookout tower, the verbal loops ceased to be an issue of stress even though one-of-my-own kept at it. “How long are we going to be gone?” “Where are we going?” “MAN, it’s hot out here…” “Can we have a good day?”
Somewhere in the chaos of the abyss I found myself climbing out. Looking into the clear blue eyes of one-of-my-own, I know to be true that in the vortex of it all, it is my level of presence, love and understanding with him that needs to be addressed.
It is the toughest lesson I have ever had to learn and I flunk way more than I get it right.
The *Land of A will forever be the one of the hardest places I have ever lived in. I don’t think that can be changed. But if I could ever master that lesson of being present, it might get just a little bit easier.
I hear one-of-my-own say, “I love you Mom. Can we get chocolate chip cookies for Dad today. I want to do something for him…. I love him.”
“Can we have a good day?”
*A stands for Autism)